10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
This is an original Article from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
I'm going to refer to it as"The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have quite LOW levels of success with women and dating.
After considering this specific paradox, talking it, and working on it to get an awesome quantity of time, I'd like to discuss my thoughts about it with you.
I presume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You are aware that you are somewhat different than other men.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw matters differently, and thought differently than others in college...
And you have probably realized that your smart mind provides you an edge over others in several areas of life...
Your smart mind provides you a specific type of benefit which may be very, very successful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks become accustomed to being"right", because they generally ARE right.
And if you are RIGHT more frequently than other people, you can get ahead in many situations.
Incidentally, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like using a hammer if you will need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for your job, you'll probably make the problem WORSE.
Of course, it is hard for a wise guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of these situations.
So relax, open your mind, and allow me to share with you the ten reasons why intelligent guys fail with women... and what to do about it.
And what do most smart guys do if they encounter a situation where they're mistaken?
They locate a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing it will not be long until they are right again.
(OR they allow the"problem scenario" destroy them... more on that later.)
There is no quick"I am right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes"failing" with a few girls in a row to get a smart man to observe the routine... and recognize that something is not working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart man just assumes his logic must be great... so he keeps thinking tougher.
But when no success comes, it truly starts
to become emotionally difficult.
Accepting that you are wrong is a very difficult thing to get a"smart man".
Accepting that you're not only incorrect, but you don't have any CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even harder.
Ultimately, many smart guys think of the next logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart men refuse to accept that a great, strong, workable answer could come from someone"dumber" than them, so that they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less intelligent person" before attempting it.
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this world with the greatest I.Q., or a caveman who lived just a thousand years ago that had an I.Q. of roughly 50... but who grew up being chased by dinosaurs and all types of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It is a fascinating question.
Now, ideally you'd like to have the guide who is not the smartest guy around... but who's escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
If you want to understand the way to be successful with women and dating, do you take advice from a guy who isn't very smart, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some men unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's analyzed closely.
If you've been making this error, then you need to STOP IT.
Look around.
Discover from a few"dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get exactly what you REALLY need.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many clever men I meet that simply don't GET IT when it comes to fundamental social skills.
It's as if they have logically concluded that social skills are for reduced beings who must play games... and not really worth the time it would take to find out.
Actually, I believe there are a lot of
smart men running around this world who do not
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people like" within their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it might possibly take to become successful with women and dating.
Social skills are only that... SKILLS.
They're not social Info.
They are not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you don't get them THINKING about them. You get them GETTING them.
Great social skills are the foundation for good communication with other people... and in case you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with girls.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to dating and women.
They really figure out why what they'd love to jak zacząć rozmowę na tinderze do is likely to fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to envision all sorts of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those fanciful results to make negative emotions... which ultimately prevent them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, in case you've thought something through and think of a fantastic reason why it might fail, it makes sense not to do it, right?
I mean, why would you need to do things that are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE believing when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart guys do not UNDERSTAND ladies, and they do not UNDERSTAND what is needed to be successful with girls, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!
With your mind to come up with all the reasons why things will not work in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a wise guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure out something?
He appears for INFORMATION to help him resolve the issue.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Info is the friend of a wise guy.
Obtained a strange virus on your PC? Just jump on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't understand how to change the alternator in your car? No prob. Simply buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Do not understand the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a issue with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They believe the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magical idea.
How do you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I really don't need to imply that studying more about the way to succeed with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five thousand theories on it likely is not going to help you very much.
You want to get out from the real world and try some stuff!
You Want to look at the REAL issue... the Origin of the problem.
In regards to women and dating, there is a very good possibility that you've got MORE than sufficient"information".
Smart men often use"more info" to divert them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this called"Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
EXACTLY!
They become a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart guys attempt to engage women in LOGICAL interactions and conversations because that is where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing this!
When you start a logical conversation with a girl you've just met, you are essentially taking a NEON SIGN that says"I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Average"logical" discussions include things like talking about work, family, faculty, and tasks... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or even INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you begin speaking to a woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all girls say that they desire sweet, nice guys... but they date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you are having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't understand what I am talking about, continue reading. You want more help than I thought.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to Consider things.
If you are taking an examination, you can sit and work out the responses.
If you have a math problem, it is possible to work on it till you have figured it out.
If you are attempting to fix something, you can keep working on it till it's fixed.
Smart men are used to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their"good sides" in most scenarios.
Not so with women...
If you don't understand what to do in every step along the way, you are going to be shut down very quickly.
Girls have an AMAZING"He does not get it" radar program.
Girls have all kinds of subtle and innovative tests which they throw at men to separate the"get its" in the"don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you are likely to fail one of http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/seduction these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR you neglected.
Smart men are not used to dealing with complicated EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION battles in the moment... and particularly the"women and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning how to handle all of the evaluations that women throw in you effortlessly.
However, before you can find out to take care of the tests, you have to first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you've got fundamental social abilities, and the best way to keep your cool in the present time.
Two ) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you might talk about it with her.
OK, time's up.
Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this is a TRICK question.
But WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you wish to appear with her favourite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to choose her to eat her favorite foods so that she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys believe that they're being CLEVER when they do things like purchasing a girl her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their heads, they're thinking"I'm going to be the guy who's thinking ahead... and now I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me because of it".
Makes sense... good mathematics, right?
Well the sole teensy-weensy error these"smart" men make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a wise person to think like this!
Actually, ANY jackass can work out how to kiss a woman's ass.
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent man, in his proud arrogance, will believe he is being such the charmer by using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the girl he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow to intellect.
Have you ever met somebody who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just could not close their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the last couple of years helping guys improve their success with women, I see that this 1 pattern over and over again...
Smart men don't want to be"beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't enjoy the notion of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to maintain this"smart guy" image of themselves... so they attempt to always be"The Expert" at whatever they do.
Rather than saying"Hey, you know what? I am a beginner at this... how can I do it? What should I do ? What ?" ... and instead of being completely OK with screwing up, making errors, and making a fool of themselves in front of others so as to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking they're beginners... so that they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It is OK to be a beginner.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A clever guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And because many smart guys are not comfortable dealing with things they're bad at, they simply repress or RUN from fear.
Many guys prefer to DIE in lonely isolation compared to admit they don't understand how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for assistance!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any man can learn how to manage and even MASTER his feelings (even fear)... when he just takes time and effort to understand how to do it.
If that is you, then do yourself a huge favor... take the time. Pick out the effort.
Don't worry about what anybody else thinks of you... it does not matter.
What matters is you doing the things which YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I feel the reason I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is since I have had to fight with all these issues for a whole lot of years of my life.
Now, I am not saying that I am the smartest guy on the planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so very good at figuring things out, I could not figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me you understand what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a couple years... trying all sorts of crazy"logical" stuff... I eventually got the"bright" idea to begin studying men who were"naturally" good with women.
Of course, I found out that you might be equally NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same moment.
I also learned you are able to be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully analyzing what the"naturals" did with girls... and studying how they"thought" about the subject, I started to understand that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
A lot of what I learned was quite tough for me to take... because my logical mind just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the girls then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I watched men tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those girls become"little women" in reaction... unable to keep their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, however I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any girl's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of girl I wanted...
...and above all, knock out that"empty" feeling that I carried around my entire life since I didn't find out how to draw girls.
And after I got this region of my life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
And I'd love to invite you to register.
It's free, there is no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you may easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I will never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
It is JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a"physical" level smoothly and easily.
And I will talk to you soon.